Sunshine

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Are you interested?   🙂

 

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Things are neutral….

For the time being.  I’m hoping that my own personal shit storm is calming down.
The universe tends to want to balance out.   At this rate I should be winning the lottery soon.

The weekend has had its ups and downs.  All of the downs have been washed away by the fact that I actually rode a motorcycle for the first time today.    WOOOOOOHOOOOO!  I only killed it once during my 3rd take off.   Oh my gosh I am so hooked.  I can not wait to finish my bike!   Getting closer every week, with the help from some awesome people.

There it is.
Screw falling for people.   I’ve fallen for riding.  Head over heels in love with this experience.

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First I must have hands like this for a little longer.
Sexy dirty hands.  🙂

J-bird

T.L.I.F.

Thanks Loki it’s Friday!

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Loki, the god of chaos and tricks.  I feel if this was a real thing, which it isn’t, that this makes sense in my life right now.  Pure chaos.

So last night was the nail in the coffin.  I say that often enough.  #vague

Everything sucks this week.  I’m battling stress and trying to not get depressed again.

We are so broke right now.  My kids want to go to a school carnival tonight and I can’t afford to take them.  I’ve had it.  I am working to pay the bills but I am sick and tired of telling them no to everything.  They are kids and we make our own fun as much as possible.  But there is so much to do out there.  They can’t experience any of it with out money.  Sad.

So my pathetic self started a go fund me account.  Ignore it.  I won’t mind.  I figure its worth a shot.  We don’t go to church where they give help to single moms often.  I have friends that are church goers and I see this happen with them.  I don’t have that social circle and I WON’t so don’t suggest we go or I will logic you so hard.  Just don’t.  I just won’t depend on any one person in my life for things.  I am going after it myself.

Child support?  HA!  whats that.  The bugs dad helps out plenty just in different ways so I am not knocking him.  Lets make that clear.

Anyways this whole post feels sad.  I’m over it.

J-Bird

Again….

It’s happening again.   I have few words at the moment.  Just emptiness.   I can honestly say I’ve never felt so hollowed out.  It’s hard to describe the feeling.  Like the blood has literally drained from my heart and out of my finger tips and out into the universe never to return again.   Although unfortunately it will come back. It will come back and I will feel everything full force again.

It doesn’t matter how much I try or am, but being sweet, understanding, mature, logical, smart, fun, sexy, driven, good, not dramatic,  hard working, adventurous, did I say understanding, I am.  Nothing will ever be good enough for someone.  Not even for me.

Dammit!

On a very different note the girls and I are doing a no screens week to see if it had any bearing on our home life.  We played board games the first night.

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We ate strawberries and whipped cream too.  Don’t judge me.  If we complete this task and we will, then we go halfsies on mario maker.  Such a fun game.
It’s a shame this week is being ruined by my own personal painful shit to enjoy my kids more.  I’m not super woman.  I feel things.  And when I do it effects me.   My kids notice.
I’ve only slept 3 hours.   I’m going to go roll around in my own self pity now.

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J-Bird